I have spent a lot of time thinking about happiness. What is happiness? How do you find it? The topics I cover here-minimalism, productivity, motivation, emotions-are the basis building blocks of a happy life. I think, however, that there is one absolutely core ideal behind all of these items. Honesty. More specifically speaking: being honest with yourself.
What is honesty?
Honesty is defined by our friends at Merriam-Webster as 1) fairness and straightforwardness of conduct; 2) adherence to the facts. This definition, while accurate, really applies to honesty when dealing with others. Honesty is so much more than that, however, particularly when applied to your relationship with yourself.
Let’s face it, despite how often we pay lip service to honesty, we have all been trained to lie early and lie often. We are afraid of being honest with others because we may hurt their feelings. Or, we may be concerned that they don’t feel the same way we do. Maybe our thoughts and feelings aren’t trendy or politically correct. White lies are the grease that keeps the gears of our society turning smoothly. When you are honest with yourself, there is no one there to judge what you think or what you say. It is just you and your TRUE feelings, hopes and desires.
Honesty with yourself is leveling with what you want from your short existance on this planet. It is scary as hell…
Why be honest?
We have all been conditioned since birth to want certain things. Up until a few years ago, I knew what I SHOULD do. I knew I SHOULD go to college. When I was in college, I knew I SHOULD graduate and get a professional job. Once I had graduated, I knew I SHOULD find someone to marry and settle down. Once I got married, I knew I SHOULD buy a house in the suburbs with a picket fence and two dogs. I did all of these things because I knew I SHOULD do them. The problem was that they didn’t reflect my TRUE desires. I wasn’t being honest.
It is only by being honest that you can begin your walk on the path you are meant to travel.
How to be honest
As I said, being honest with yourself is scary. Hell, it can be mind-numbingly terrifying. It forces you to throw away all of your misconceptions about life, case aside all the fake dreams and desires that have been forced on you, and disregard all of the wants that bleed into your life from the people you surround yourself with. When you are honest, there is only you.
Try this exercise:
- Go to a quiet zone or, if you wish, create one. Turn off the TV and computer. Turn off the cell phone. Get away from lovers and pets and children. Just sit with yourself and listen. Open your heart and mind and listen. Ask yourself what you want out of life. What do you dream about? What do you desire?
- Journal those things that are repeating in your mind.
- Examine what you have written and, if you are truly daring, decide whether you have the balls to chase after it.
Look, this isn’t going to be easy. A lot of us are comfortably ensconced in a life that makes us content. We may have even convinced ourselves that we are happy. But, if you have discovered through this honesty exercise that want you want out of life doesn’t jive with what you currently have, then you have some tough decisions to make.
What’s the point?
Okay. I am going to go out on a limb here and say that if you complete this exercise, the things that you find repeatnig again and again in your head, the things that you honestly want out of life, are not going to be material possessions. For example, I really want a new computer. When I am honest with myself, though, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about it. No, what I honestly want is to travel. So, I have a decision to make, I could go for the superficial pleasure of a new computer purchase or I could take the money and apply it to a trip to China or Argentina or any of a hundred other places that I have always told myself I will see before I die. Note that I recognize that the comptuer will give me pleasure but, is it a pleasure that I honestly want above other things. I don’t think it is.
How can you apply this exercise to your everday life?
- Be honest with yourself about the purchases that you make
- Be honest with yourself about what career paths you choose or, even more importantly, what career paths you remain on.
- Be honest with yourself and the kind of people you fill your life with.
Ask yourself: Do I really want to be on the path that this decision puts me on? Only you have the correct answer.
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